After the sadness of yesterday and seeing the boy I like with someone else, I had a revelation while in the shower. Soon I will tell you about Jinx, my fairie friend who I met in Kansas. But first, the revelation!
The one reason I have turned down guy after guy after guy is because I know they do not have the ability to be a spiritual leader for me. While this is important, I have been taking it too far. I was looking for a man to save me. To drag me back to the path of great and safe spirituality! It's like I didn't even want to journey on the path together, I just wanted him to lead me. Suddenly, I realized what I was doing wrong. I was leaving God out of His own equation. I didn't even want Him to save me. I wanted someone else to. WRONG, Mirella! So wrong! How could I even think that? Oh, I'm human, oops...
I need God to lead me to Himself. He's been calling me. I've felt that for ages and Sonni pointed it out to me a few weeks ago. God must save me and I must follow Him down the path. Sounds simple, I know! But it comes in the most unlikely ways. You may not be following God down His path, but you think you are. But you're not. So when this revelation hit, I rinsed out my hair and closed my eyes to soak up the hot water. Then, in the darkness I saw him. There was my old friend Jinx standing at the end of a hallway that looked like a high school hall from a Frank Peretti novel. His hair was not spiked any more or streaked with purple. He wasn't glittering any more and his clothes were dark jeans and a black t-shirt. He looked at me for a moment, turned then moved his hand like he was going to wave, but didn't. He just walked with his back to me, down the hall, around the corner and into the light. He was gone. I don't know if I'll see him again or not. I feel like he was linked to my trying to figure this out. And now that I have, he's gone. I miss him though. A little. I know I will. He was my weird friend back when I needed someone and no other people were around. But I'll know what's wrong when I see him again, I guess. I'm happy though. I want God now. I want to see hat He does now that I know hat to do and will do it. What about boys? Belly Dance? School? A job? I have so much to figure out and do.
Do these things withe me, God. And thank you so much for Blogger's autosave...my battery went out and I'm finishing this post about 20 minutes later. My computer crashed when I turned it back on. So thank You!