Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Chapter 20: Confession

My confession is this: I am not as innocent as I want to sound or as good. I have striven to be polite and well-mannered and that I am doing well on. But my fall is this: Ever since I my first “love” out of my life (you will remember that break up) I have ignored my Creator. I have not needed Him anymore and have shut Him out of my life. And now, now that I am lost, spinning out of control, have no idea who He is…I want Him back. I know nothing without Him. I am SO lost.
So now I will be reading through Ephesians and the Psalms every day. And to get myself to think about it, I will be writing about it here. And if not here, then on my facebook. I have to write to remember. I will, of course, be writing normally too, this just means you will hear from me more and see more of my God in the writing. I need this more than ever. However, I cannot get into too much detail now as I must go to work for a few hours. I’ll explain later, perhaps. Please pray for me, my brothers and sisters. I am a lost sheep searching for the path. So from here on starts a new episode in my life. Rather nice considering it’s my blog’s birthday week. One year and here I am at a new beginning. Not much has changed and yet so much has been lost.  Help me, God. Please.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Chapter 19: Fantasy and the Music that Speaks...

I have two things to talk about today; one rather grim and frustrating (but that I will discuss with the eloquence of the lady I am trying to become) and the other rather humorous, but enough to make me scowl at a person. I will start with the grim one.

At Nomads (the glorious place in which I am currently employed) we have a playlist that we listen to all day long with strange, exotic, retro and off-beat music that we listen to that reflects not only the odd store and its uniqueness, but us the employees too. We are all different and like different types of music. Some of us like ALL types of music. Some of us like none at all. I, personally, am the former. I love all types...mostly. The music I cannot stand and will not be bashful in expressing my opinion on are as follows: (modern) Country, rap, heavy metal (screamo), and reggae. At Nomads we play a lot of reggae. I hate the stuff. It grinds my nerves and makes me cringe. I have only once, in the most civil way, mentioned to my coworker how much I don't like reggae. She got offended. *Note: This is the coworker that calls me a "know-it-all" and a "liar" and "racist" nearly once a day. So the "you're racist" comes out when I say I don't like that music. For the record, I like a lot of (excuse me) Afro-American music. I love blues and jazz SO much and real, traditional African music? Can't get enough of the stuff!
Moving on...
So on this playlist, which I mentioned earlier, we are all allowed to put tracks on so long as it is appropriate to the store's theme: internationality and spirituality. Eventually, I add some songs. Some Blackmore's Night to be exact. Kind of a Celtic/mediaeval sound. The songs are about a gypsy and the other about a fairie named Lorelei. When the song comes on, my coworker notices the different music at once and gripes at me. She says she "hates" this music and that it's "stupid". Is it now? What about the songs she listens to? German screamo bands who yell "mein teil" or lyrical choruses with a versus that discuss "ass crack"...Yes, I see. My music must be stupid compared to this.
I am not going to hide my loathing. Songs that are vulgar, sing about sex, use curse words all the time and scream about gore are stupid. If it is for a purpose other than to rant like an angsty teenager then maybe I can accept it. If one of those songs is singing about undeniable, beautiful, dark truth--then all is forgiven. But they're not. My music about love, dance and life is not stupid. I wanted to kill her then, but I didn’t. I didn't reply angrily. I just said "Well, don't take it off the list!" and went about my job. Music like Blackmore has soul and life--a meaning and a purpose that is good. Rammstein on the other hand? Not so sure. Now you are free to go and whine about me on YOUR blog as I move on to my next topic.

I was at my second job (I had to sign something that said I wouldn't talk about it on my blog...) and a young man came in to return some stuff (I almost gave my job away just there!). He got to talking to me and asked me what I was majoring in and that got us around to writing. He asked what I wrote and my reply was "mostly fantasy books and stories". His reply took me by surprise. "So you like it dark and dirty, hu? Like to help other imagine that kind of stuff? Sounds a little erotic to me!" He said this smiling creepily the whole time. I finally figured it out. "NO!" I shouted back. "Fantasy as in dragons, wizards and swords..." Yes, as in the sharp, metal weapon. He laughed and said he knew what I meant and that he was just "just messing with me". People do that all the time to me...But I don't care about that. Why when I said "fantasy" did he have to make it into something gross and perverted? Why does everyone have to do that? Why can't out world be more innocent? I'm going to try to make it that way. I have to. Otherwise, we're making the perfect Hell for Lucifer to come to and rein over.
Speaking of spiritual things!
My next (hopefully!) post will be about something I've always been curious about and have spent a week researching now. I'm writing an essay type paper about it to post in the hopes that it will shed some light on some topics. Until next time, be blessed and may the Creator watch over you as you travel across the land of our Mother!

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