Thursday, March 18, 2010

Chapter 8: Whirlpool of Insanity

My life is once again spinning out of control. And yet in the midst of it all, I am trying to remain the lady that I want to be; but more and more I see myself slipping and becoming just another hateful older sister/first daughter.
I try to please my parents and keep failing. We went to look at colleges today (since we are spending out Spring Break in Texas) and it was a disaster. The school was closed and somehow that was my fault. My father told me that I should have looked at the website to see if it was open. I had checked previously and it all it had was “hours of operation”. My mother also took the opportunity to tell me that I need a plan for school. So I told her about my plan. The one I had before we were moving Texas. Somewhere during this talk, she let slip that she “always has to be there to help me” and other things were said that implied I was a stupid girl.
On this note, my younger sister treated me like an ill-educated person as well. She thinks she knows everything about bodily functions and health and what is good for you and how much exercise you have. She was complaining of blotation (which she does frequently) and saying how she has not been able to relieve herself in days.
She never eats protein.
I looked it up and saw that you have to balance your protein intake with your fiber intake and liquid or you will get constipated. This is what has happened to her. She never eats much protein because she thinks it will make her fat. I told her (before she told me she had not been able to go in days) that she was not constipated. She always says she is constipated. And that is when she went on and on about how I don’t know what constipation is. Which I do.
I did not want to you this blog as a place to complain, but that is all I have to write about at this time. Against my will we went on this Texas trip. I would have much rather stayed at home and danced (which I have not done in WEEKS) or rented movies or drawn or any other manner of things.
On that note, I have no worked out (the little that I do…) in weeks also. Since before I got streph throat. My work out consists of 30 crunches and 30 to 40 leg lifts to strengthen my lower abs. Then I do (sometimes, if I have time) sideways leg lifts for my hips (got to have strong hips for those movements!) and then stretching and sometimes pelvic thrust while lying on my back. That is my work out. I try and do it every night since it is SO LIGHT. I shall do it once more when we get back to Kansas. And school. Actually, I do not think that I have done my work out since the semester started. That’s bad! Especially for a 5’ 4” girl who weighs 140 pounds! But I cannot lose too much weight or I will lose my belly dancer shape which I treasure. It is the shape of a woman.
I am not going to sugar coat it anymore. I hate the skinny girls. Not because they are skinny and I am not, but because I pity them. They have a distorted point of view. It is unhealthy. They are desecrating the temple that is their body. It’s not good for the soul or spirit or the girl.
Very well, I shall leave off here and be back next time with a more light-hearted time and more about dance and the life of a lady. Or the life of becoming a lady. That’s what this is: My times and Trials on the Quest to Womanhood!

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