"American Criminal: from a Belly Dancer’s Point of View Who Has Taught International Students for More Than 5 Years."
If you are an American, you are a global criminal. You are
the bad guy and you should be ashamed of yourself.
If you are an American, you cannot do anything that is
un-American or you will be deliberately and rudely making fun of someone else.
Do not say you are a gypsy dancer because you are not Romani and are ignorant
and stupid and racist for saying so.
If you are an American, you cannot like other people’s
music: especially Native American and you cannot AT ALL wear jewely that
reflects said ethnic’s style. If you do, you are taking it, stealing it, and
making a mockery of them.
If you are an American, you cannot be interested in someone
else’s religion or culture. If you wear a Bohemian skirt or a tribal-looking
bracelet you are trendy-know-nothing American.
Pray for forgiveness.
If you are an American, you cannot eat Chinese food because
it is not real Chines food and you don’t know what real food is.
If you are an American, always apologize for being white.
Beat yourself up and beg the forgiveness of those around you.
If you are an American, you are stupid. You are not allowed
to study other myths and write your own inspired by them. You may read Austen
and Bronte, though.
But not while drinking tea.
If you are an American, you are not allowed to wear a hijab,
Indian shoes, say, “gringo”, or eat anywhere more exotic than Olive Garden.
If you are an American, you must guard everything you say.
Just because a certain colored skin man says a word to his friends doesn’t mean
you can.
If you are an American, you will be laughed at when you
travel to Ireland looking for your roots. You will be ignored in France. You
will be the butt of jokes in Britain. You will be killed other places.
If you are an American, do not dance anything but hip-hop.
Even then, do when no one with black skin is around.
Best to stick with a hoedown.
If you are an American, you must read only books written by
white people. Do not pick up that Indian novel or that Caribbean anthology. If
you do, you will be just one more stupid white trying to expand their horizons
for no good reason.
If you are an American, do not do yoga or qui-gong or
anything that was not invented in America. You will be seen as just a dumb
person stealing a practice because you were too dumb to think of your own.
If you are an American, you must be scared of everything
less white than you. You must hate it and try to eradicate it.
If you are an American, you must be guilty. You must be a
criminal. Stay in America, do not touch an idea, dance, music, food, clothing
that is not yours. Even if all you want is to let you imagination grow—do not.
That is criminal. That is bad. You are bad and you are wrong. Do not change
like the language you speak.
If you do all this, you will be a bad American.
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