Chapter 21: Dear Ephesus

Here I will post the first few journals of my travels with King David and Paul as he writes to the Ephesians. Soon I shall travel to Phillipi as well. God bless you and please do not judge a sinning gypsies writing. And yes, some things are missing but I did read it all. I will write about the skipped chapter in Ephesians later. It was so for a reason know only to the Creator. We'll see what happens.

1/26/2011
I’ve been through Ephesians before…


Psalm 1 is tiny! It’s about how there are two ways to go. The way of the wicked and the way of a follower of Christ. Verse 1 mentions a “council of the wicked” and a “path” of sinners. I understand the council bit: don’t seek their council and don’t follow it. It’s crocked and bent. Not what you’re looking for. But I was curious about the “path” part. Fortunately, I have a study bible and can look in the margins for other meanings. It said “way”. So, do not stand in the way of sinners. In the way with them or in their way. As in “get out of my way” kind of thing. Maybe either way is bad or wrong.

The other option aside from the “seat of scoffers” is to “delight in the law of God”. This got me thinking. So many times we are told to delight in God among other things. I just never thought of delighting in His law as part of that. But if we do then we will be like strong trees; deep roots by streams of water (verse 3). Another thing about this tree is that it only bears fruit “in its season” and whatever it does prospers (verse 3). In it’s season…As opposed to all the time.



When I opened my bible to Ephesians, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had read it before…about 3 times by the look of it! Green, pink and blue highlighter and pen and pencil underlines, circles and stars decorate this book in my bible. I look forward to seeing what I already thought about it. Any way…

The first thing I highlighted was the phrase “by the will of God” when it is introducing Paul. He wrote to Ephesus and was who he was (if you know anything about Paul) “by the will of God” (verse 1).

Verse 5 tells me about how I was chosen by God to be his daughter. This reminded about many things I read in Captivating. I need to find all the versus where God claims me as His. I like that. And just after that in verse 6, Paul mentions my favorite thing: What man is here for. He says “to the praise of the glory of His grace”. I Love the word praise. Makes me want to dance and sing all day!

In the past times, I put a box around verse 7, which tells us about redemption. I love that too. Blood, forgiveness and redemption.

My heart was also captured by the end of verse 13, “you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise” (verse 13). God sealed me to Him, with Him, for Him. Finally, in verse 16, Paul tells the Ephesians that he prays for them and gives thanks for them because God has promised redemption. I don’t quite get this verse, but I’ll think on it. Lastly, when I last went through, I highlighted this, “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so that you may know what is the hope of His calling…” Amen!! This is my prayer, God! Please enlighten my eyes! Open them up and break the lock on my heart!



1/28/11

I’m not sure what chapter 2 is about in Ephesians. The later half talks about peace between Jews and gentiles. Apparently they fought a lot. But “Jews” I’m assuming is referring to the race…not that strange religious group today. I don’t know much about Judaism…maybe I should look it up. I think I heard that they believe in God and everything just not Jesus. Or something. I have no clue. But the best part of chapter 2 that spoke to me was the first verse and how it said that we (I) was dead because of the course of sin I walked in this world. That has been me recently. I’ve been dissing and missing God. I’m glad I started talking to Sonni again. She was a good jump-starter. Maybe I’ll have to read chapter 2 again later. Hmmm…

Psalm 2 is exciting! It starts out by asking what the heck is going on on earth. Why is everyone freaking out? People are “devising a vain thing”. I like how verse 5 says that God will scoff at the rulers of the nations and terrify them. I’d like to see that, Mr. President. Sarcasm and course joking aside, my heart lifted in verse 8 where not only are we (God’s children) promised the nations and the earth, but we are also promised “the ends of the earth”! All these movies and stories about beyond the earth and guess what? WE, the Children, get to inherit it!

I think the best part of chapter 2 is the ending in verse 12 “For His wrath may soon be kindled. How blessed are all who take refuge in Him!” Oh, yes…how very blessed. Do I want to be on God’s bad-side when that wrath is kindled? Um, no, thanks. So get ye out of the path of sinners and the seat of scoffers. “Take warning, O judges of the earth” (verse 10). And while they are taking warning I will be “Worship[ing] the Lord with reverence.

Help me do this, God. Turn my every dance, song and word to praise of you and ready me for this day. Amen.



1/29/11

This is crazy! I’ve been taking belly dance class for three weeks now from what I thought was “Del Espadin Flamenco & Spanish Dance Academy & Soraya's School of Belly Dance, 3939 Hillcroft, Suite 160” but it was really “5711 Hillcroft Ave., Ste. D3, Houston, TX”!

I was so confused when I emailed what I thought was my teacher (Soraya) and got an email back from her saying she wasn’t who I thought she was (I was asking my teacher for the music to the dance I need to learn)! So I started to wonder. Cause I’ve always wondered if belly dancing was not something God wanted me to do…but here’s the proof. I think any way.

So, driven to curiosity, I go to Soraya’s site and find the School of Dance address, put it into goolge maps and get the directions I’ve been following. Yes, they are what I’ve been following. I click on “street view” to see if it looks like the same place. No. It’s not. I start to freak out. What’s going on? HOW did I go to the WRONG studio and still get there when the class was to start (Soraya said her class was at 7pm on Tuesday). So I show up at 7pm on Tuesday. At the WRONG address (didn’t know it then) and sure enough (thinking I’m in the right place) there is a belly dance class at 7pm.

So now I’m thinking “God wanted me in THIS class”. I follow the directions to the WRONG place at the right time. Oh my gosh! Really!? So then I google maps search “The Houston Dance Factory” (the place I accidently went to) and on that street view, I see the place I’ve been going too. Different addresses. Same times though. When I went the first time I followed the directions and got SO lost…and found this place though.

God wants me in THIS class. I don’t know why. But I can wait and see. Maybe I’m wrong about the whole thing? I’ll ask Sonni what she thinks. But either way, I suddenly feel as though I’ve had a small sign. Like I’ve been asking for for…quite some time. I don’t care to write down how long I’ve asked God for a sign that He exists. And something so controversial as belly dance shows me. Something I love to do. Something I want to turn into worship for Him. And know what else? I KNOW I’m supposed to be doing this now. That feels pretty good. I’m not sure what to do. Crying sounds good though.

And do add on to this, my coworker from the books store, Wilma, and I got into a lab together at school (after some dropping and planning!). She decided she didn’t like the teacher and wanted to switch. I said sure. But we find out we can’t switch without dropping the lab, (classes have already started) only getting 70% of our money back and then enrolling again (paying full price). We can’t afford that. So she says to me “Oh well, we’re in THIS class for a reason…” Hmmm…..ok then! I seem to be in classes “for a reason”. I’m liking this. I feel like something is moving in my life. Finally. The one semester I choose to take off (still need to quit one job) some things start to fall into place. Thank you, God, for whatever you are doing! I can’t wait to see!



1/30/2011



I have yet to read Ephesians to night, but it’s getting late. Very late. Today in church the pastor preached chapter 4, which I read along with chapter 3 tonight. I liked what he said. I underlined some verses, but I’ll explain this first.

Pastor explained what real peace was today. He said that while David wrote the 4th Psalm, he was being pursued by Absalom (if you know the story then you know why and how scary that must have been). But still David was able to sleep at night. He was scared of all these dudes coming after him, but he found peace. I need that peace right now, God. I am so angry at so many people right now…give me Your peace. Please.

This chapter in Ephesians was the “exceedingly, ubundantly” thing. But more than that, it was all summed up in verses 14-19. It said that the whole reason Paul was suffering as he wrote was to reach the gentiles so that way they could know of the love of God and simply OF God. So that way we can be who we are supposed to be as His children. I need to sleep now. I may read these again tomorrow. God, help me in EVERYTHING I do tomorrow according to your will. Amen.



1/31/11

“A prayer for guidance”…how I needed this.

So I imagine that David is still being pursued by Absalom. He is asking God to get them for all they’ve done. Starting in verse 4 he starts by saying that no evil dwells with God. From there he goes on to say what God does with offenders. They shall not stand with God, they are undone by their own means, God hates the evil, they are thrust out…the list goes on. I feel like asking God to do this sometimes…I want people to suffer like He said they would for being evil. I hate how people treat me and I want these things to happen. But then I’m just being like “I have God and you don’t so I don’t forgive you and He shall smite thee!” That’s no good…

So I need to look at the other part of this chapter! Amid all this running for his life and fearing his enemies, David takes time to praise God. “For to thee do I pray…” (vers 2). In verse 8 he asks God to lead him in the way of righteousness. Maybe that’s because of all those lovely things that happen to those who don’t…? I noticed something about the end of verse 8. David says, “Make Thy way straight before me”. Not “my way” as in where he’s going physically, but where God wants him to be. Physically and spiritually I imagine. That really stuck out. I need to pay more attention to what God wants me to do then what I have planned and where I want to go and asking Him to bless THAT road. I should walk God’s road…Verses 11 and 12 close the chapter nicely as David ends with saying how God is protection and how He shelters those who are on the right path. Thy path.

Ephesians 4 was a long one. But I think I get it. I had a lot highlighted from when I read it before. A lot to do with not lying, speaking mean words, cussing (get that from verse 29) and to not be deceitful (lying I have a problem with. Not huge lies, but what we humans call white lies…) and to not speak slander and to not live a life style that is immoral. It also puts emphasis on being kind to others (a good example is the closing of the chapter).

In the first part of the chapter though (verses 1-16) talk about how we all (all God’s children) need to work together for good and for His glory and in the way He wants us too. I need to sleep now…sick and tired. God, Help me be more honest. Let no words of slander or falsehoods come out of my mouth. Help me to love all around me and show them You whenever I can. Thank you for all the blessings you have heaped on my today. I love You and I ask these things of you as Your daughter, Amen.



2/2/2011

Missed last night cause I watched a movie with Anna, which I thought was in order. She needs my attention too. So Psalm 6 is short too. I guess that King David didn’t have much time for writing while being on the run. But I think I like this one. I like anything in the Bible that starts out with the heading “A cry for mercy” or “a prayer for guidance”. Guess that’s the way I am!

So this Psalm had some great parts and some AMAZING poetry! Man, could David write or what?! But I’ll get to that. From verse 1, I was so into this chapter: “O Lord, do not rebuke me in Thine anger…” I had to stop and wonder “Does He?” I mean, you hear in other places in the bible where God is smiting the wicked (among other people) with “wrath” and “anger”. So…what about me?? Do I get God-anger rained down on me too?

In verse 2 there is a bit that might be a good verse to pray. A while back, Sonni and I talked about praying scripture. I think it’s a good idea. I don’t see the harm in it. Or the good, but oh well. It’s God’s word. If I pray it does that mean He sees me super trying to get into His word? Maybe.

Moving way on to verse 7 is where the down-right, amazing poetry really starts to show in Pslams. David says in verse 7, “My eye has wasted away with grief; it has become old because of my adversaries” (I just looked that word up and it means opponent and challenger. Good to know!). So just look at that poetry!! My eye has wasted away with grief! How horridly beautiful. Shakespeare must have read King David.

I’d like to leave off Psalm 6 with verse 9 as a prayer: “The Lord receives my prayers”…Hear my prayer, God, my prayers of repentance, joy, thankfulness and greed. Amen.

Ephesians 5…behind in it….

“The walk of the believer as God’s dear child”…one of my favorite things!

So there is some stuff in here about married life and all and I don’t want to go too in depth into that cause I don’t feel it’s the time too. I need to stay away from that for a while.

So verse 3 describes what saints ought to not let even be named among them: impurity, greed or any immorality. That’s a little hard core. We being human…HAVE NO EXCUSES! So now I have something to new to try. Yikes. This includes “silly talk” and “course jesting” (which I am famous for…) (verse 4).

Verse 6, above all, make me think of an anti-Christ among other things. “Let no one deceive you” and “the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience”. And verse 12 goes along with verse 3 in that it tells us that to even speak of these things is disgraceful. Easy enough…

I liked verse 16 and 17, of course, because it talks about how evil the days are, but also because I have a tendency to waste time. Big time. All I do is waste it. Then of course, I like verse 18 for more than one reason. Yes, Elise and I want to get drunk together some time, but I hate drunkerds… Like my ex. But Sonni says I can’t hold grudges! Any way…

So I’m not going to go into verses 22-29 except to say this about 29: “for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the Church, because we are member of His body.” Did you catch that? No one hates their own flesh. They love it. We are the Church—Christ’s body. He loves His flesh too. He loves US like He loves Himself. I know there are verses where it talks about how much God likes Himself and all. It’s a lot. He loves us as much as that. Wow.


The End of that. Next up is Phillipi. Come with me, if you dare, the path I travel is not led by me but by the Unseen One, my All Father.

Chapter 20: Confession

My confession is this: I am not as innocent as I want to sound or as good. I have striven to be polite and well-mannered and that I am doing well on. But my fall is this: Ever since I my first “love” out of my life (you will remember that break up) I have ignored my Creator. I have not needed Him anymore and have shut Him out of my life. And now, now that I am lost, spinning out of control, have no idea who He is…I want Him back. I know nothing without Him. I am SO lost.

So now I will be reading through Ephesians and the Psalms every day. And to get myself to think about it, I will be writing about it here. And if not here, then on my facebook. I have to write to remember. I will, of course, be writing normally too, this just means you will hear from me more and see more of my God in the writing. I need this more than ever. However, I cannot get into too much detail now as I must go to work for a few hours. I’ll explain later, perhaps. Please pray for me, my brothers and sisters. I am a lost sheep searching for the path. So from here on starts a new episode in my life. Rather nice considering it’s my blog’s birthday week. One year and here I am at a new beginning. Not much has changed and yet so much has been lost.  Help me, God. Please.

Chapter 19: Fantasy and the Music that Speaks...

I have two things to talk about today; one rather grim and frustrating (but that I will discuss with the eloquence of the lady I am trying to become) and the other rather humorous, but enough to make me scowl at a person. I will start with the grim one.

At Nomads (the glorious place in which I am currently employed) we have a playlist that we listen to all day long with strange, exotic, retro and off-beat music that we listen to that reflects not only the odd store and its uniqueness, but us the employees too. We are all different and like different types of music. Some of us like ALL types of music. Some of us like none at all. I, personally, am the former. I love all types...mostly. The music I cannot stand and will not be bashful in expressing my opinion on are as follows: (modern) Country, rap, heavy metal (screamo), and reggae. At Nomads we play a lot of reggae. I hate the stuff. It grinds my nerves and makes me cringe. I have only once, in the most civil way, mentioned to my coworker how much I don't like reggae. She got offended. *Note: This is the coworker that calls me a "know-it-all" and a "liar" and "racist" nearly once a day. So the "you're racist" comes out when I say I don't like that music. For the record, I like a lot of (excuse me) Afro-American music. I love blues and jazz SO much and real, traditional African music? Can't get enough of the stuff!
Moving on...
So on this playlist, which I mentioned earlier, we are all allowed to put tracks on so long as it is appropriate to the store's theme: internationality and spirituality. Eventually, I add some songs. Some Blackmore's Night to be exact. Kind of a Celtic/mediaeval sound. The songs are about a gypsy and the other about a fairie named Lorelei. When the song comes on, my coworker notices the different music at once and gripes at me. She says she "hates" this music and that it's "stupid". Is it now? What about the songs she listens to? German screamo bands who yell "mein teil" or lyrical choruses with a versus that discuss "ass crack"...Yes, I see. My music must be stupid compared to this.
Not.
I am not going to hide my loathing. Songs that are vulgar, sing about sex, use curse words all the time and scream about gore are stupid. If it is for a purpose other than to rant like an angsty teenager then maybe I can accept it. If one of those songs is singing about undeniable, beautiful, dark truth--then all is forgiven. But they're not. My music about love, dance and life is not stupid. I wanted to kill her then, but I didn’t. I didn't reply angrily. I just said "Well, don't take it off the list!" and went about my job. Music like Blackmore has soul and life--a meaning and a purpose that is good. Rammstein on the other hand? Not so sure. Now you are free to go and whine about me on YOUR blog as I move on to my next topic.

I was at my second job (I had to sign something that said I wouldn't talk about it on my blog...) and a young man came in to return some stuff (I almost gave my job away just there!). He got to talking to me and asked me what I was majoring in and that got us around to writing. He asked what I wrote and my reply was "mostly fantasy books and stories". His reply took me by surprise. "So you like it dark and dirty, hu? Like to help other imagine that kind of stuff? Sounds a little erotic to me!" He said this smiling creepily the whole time. I finally figured it out. "NO!" I shouted back. "Fantasy as in dragons, wizards and swords..." Yes, as in the sharp, metal weapon. He laughed and said he knew what I meant and that he was just "just messing with me". People do that all the time to me...But I don't care about that. Why when I said "fantasy" did he have to make it into something gross and perverted? Why does everyone have to do that? Why can't out world be more innocent? I'm going to try to make it that way. I have to. Otherwise, we're making the perfect Hell for Lucifer to come to and rein over.
Speaking of spiritual things!
My next (hopefully!) post will be about something I've always been curious about and have spent a week researching now. I'm writing an essay type paper about it to post in the hopes that it will shed some light on some topics. Until next time, be blessed and may the Creator watch over you as you travel across the land of our Mother!

-|- )O(

Chapter 18: Dear People of the World

The store was full to bursting of people with no money to spend but still I did my job. "Hi, what can I help you find today?" and "Looking for anything special today?" was pouring out of my mouth at about fifty words a minute. After assaulting everyone in the store once or twice, I would go and stand in one of the few "blind spots" so that way the cameras in the store couldn't see me and therefore the boss watching us was blind to me as well. I was exhausted. I'd woke up at 6:45 that morning to make it to the book store on time for that job. I had worked until the afternoon, gone home, done some yoga then sat down to watch a movie and let my feet rest for an hour before I had to leave for the next job.
It wasn't until about four o'clock that it really hit me. "Go talk to people, make sure they're buying stuff!" I was. Could he not see me walking and talking. I had been watching him and the assistant manager (AM) for weeks now. When it was busy, they stood behind the counter, looking busy, while my coworker and I ran around talking to people. The AM excuse was "social anxiety". Okay, so you should quit your job if you're not going to help, was my thought. I have that too though, but that doesn't stop me from trying my heart out to do my job.
After selling my third hooka and saving customers from our non-English speaking employee for the millionth time, I was fed up with it. I was tired of being taken advantage of. I always have been and it stops now.
I will no longer be quiet and do as I am told. As I was being ordered about and told to do numerous tasks and then get told I needed to do more (cause I always will...I never complain and tell people off)and that I wasn't doing well enough, I noticed this. I saw how docile and obedient I was. How they were using that to make me do their work. I looked back in my life...It had happened many times. My mother had raised me to be polite and do as I was told without complaining. She has trained me well. But no more.
After a particularly bad hour or so, I wanted to scream out in the middle of the store. Scream, shout and holler until I went mute and could not even sing. But I didn't. I let myself be ordered around.
Two customers came in that day that asked me how old I was and what I wanted to do with my life. When I told them of the Goddess Plan, they said I was incredible and smart to have such a plan. Twice it happened before I stopped to think. I realized how I had been taken advantage of my whole life long. I then asked myself, "A real lady would not take this. She wouldn't sit back and let it happen to her." But then the thought became more real. "No...a woman wouldn't let this happen to her. I AM A WOMAN!" The time for being a lady is not "all" the time. A lady need be present often times for civility. But a woman? She needs to be part of me forever. The woman--no the goddess-- in side of me was angry at being treated this way. I will not stand by and let it happen to me again. Ever. I will not drive my coworker at my other job home all the time. I will not let my boss order me into work every day I have off (which has happened for the last two weeks and many times at other jobs as well). I will stand up and stop being tread upon.

No, don't worry. I'm not choosing now to open a rebellious streak. I just do not want to be taken advantage of. So...

Dear People of the world,
I will not be taking your orders anymore. I will do as I need. Not as little as needed, but not everything you want me to do. You know how obliging I am and I will not be that way any more. You are quite capable of doing your work yourself and not relying on me or shoving people off on me that you do not want to deal with. I will not be your scapegoat any more. I cannot say this to you in any other way.
                                                                                        Best Regards,
                                                                                           A Free Woman

Chapter 17: Finaly...

So here I am in the WCJC computer lab waiting for my next final. I do so hate final season. I stress and break out. I have the soothing sounds of MJ and "Beat It" rocking the back parts of my brain to calm me a bit. I brought my reocrder to school thinking I would sit outside and play it to sooth myself too. I was standing in line to sell my books back, scoping out a place I could play some music outside when...the butterfly showed up. I washed my hands of him and his egotisical attidude weeks ago. I was done with him. But then there are the incidents with the car and parking...
But there he was and he said hey to me. We talked about study and finals for--I kid you not--about one minute. That's all. Then I left. Why? I don't know...
I'll add more to this post later. I justed wanted to let you all know that, no I'm not dead yet. Even though it's final season...

Chapter 16: It's the most wonderful time...

Growing up, we never had stockings over the fire. It wasn't until about 3 or 4 years ago that my mom spent the money on getting all of us 9 kids, the dog and her and dad a stocking and putting our names on them. I always felt sad that we didn't have them. Not because I was into Santa Clause or anything, but because I thought it was part a Christmas tradition we were missing out on. Apparently, we are still missing out. People keep asking me what we do for Christmas. When my reply is "Well...we...put up a tree" they look at me funny. As if I'm lying or being secretive. No. Seriously. We put up a tree.
When my second brother got into KU, we stared to put lights on the house for the first time in our lives. We only did this though because he worked at HobbyLobby and got a good discount on the lights. So that was a good step. It was soon after that we got the stockings. But Christmas wasn't always bland. In fact, I liked it a lot as a kid. I just felt that something was missing.
But to us kids, Christmas was more than a tree and snow to play in. It was the time of year mom and dad fought and yelled, got angry at us and were just generally in a bad mood. Pretty much all through December and half of January. Holidays in our house always put us kids on edge because we knew it meant angry and unreasonable parents. I know that in part we were to blame. I mean really, kids get all excited and energetic this time of year. Even in our house where Christmas was not bedazzled with lights and sweetened with pounds of candy. But as the years have gone by, things have changed.
We have lights outside now, stockings, and a good pinch of decorations inside too. We also have a nice tree with ornaments and lights. But under that tree this year? We write our names on scraps of paper, draw a name and whoever we draw we buy presents for. Then mom and dad buy us each one or two presents. We're not TOO poor, but we're not like the other families in this new neighborhood. We can't afford 5 gifts for each person...The little kids are taking it the hardest. They want many presents. They'll learn some day. But in the mean time, they'll just struggle on.

Let me say one thing about the past 12 or 13 Christmases though. When we moved to Leavenworth, we started to cut down our own trees from the side of the road. That was the one great tradition we had. On a Sunday, when dad could help us, we would go out to the tree we had picked and cut it down. There were many adventures in that tradition over the years. The tree would be about 12 or 15 feet high and always touch our ceiling. Our trees, be them the only great tradition and memory I have, were awesome. Tall and smelly and wide. We loved out trees.

So now for a new Christmas in a new state and new life. God help us.

Chapter 15: I Forgot 13!

I just saw my mistake and realized I had no Chapter 13. Teehee! Oh, well!
Really I just wanted to come and talk to myself since I have no much new to report. Except for the @$$-faced jerk incident. I'm debating whether or not to post that conversation here or not. My sweet friend, on whom's facebook it took place was kind enough to delete it, but not before I copy and pasted it. I do that. To remember hurts done to me, I suppose. Silly, isn't it? Well, it was an awful exchange about censorship and plays that ended with him telling me "go and off" myself. It was ugly. It really hurt and I cried all night. I tried to find comfort in my friends, but the man I turned to said I was "letting" it hurt me...not what I wanted to hear at the time. So I got more upset and left the online world.
I felt a bit immature, but really I was hurting badly.
Speaking of not having people to talk to! I've decided to revel in my movies and TV shows again. I think I said something similar in my last post, but whatever! I watched Lost Boys last night and it was great. I really love that movie. And I chatted with...Luke...for a few minutes. It was okay. He was as distant and unresponsive as ever. He taught me so much about myself. So much that I will hold onto.
I quoted Europe today for my facebook status. I said "I've gone through changes, I've gone through pain. But that's not enough reason for me to go insane..." I love Rock the Night. Fun song! And that's how I feel right now. I have gone through so many changes and through SO much pain...but still...
So right now I should be doing my homework and studying...I have two tests on Tuesday. And I forgot that this Thursday was Thanksgiving. I should do something fun. For myself. That'd be good for me. Wonder what I should do. Teehee, I'm half excited now. I make myself excited more and more these days. I think that's because I spend so much time in my own head. Oh, well!
My best friend and her boyfriend are getting along well, I hear. I'm so happy for her. I get the feeling he's going to be in her life for quite some time so I'm denouncing my normal hostile attitudes toward him and just supporting her. I am jealous...of them both! I want someone to tell me I'm pretty and touch me. I long for touch.
Right! Off to study! Two tests tomorrow! Hahaha, Beat It just came on to my Pandora. Love it! I'm rockin' on! Happy? No. Rockin' it any way? YES!!